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the consummate leader

results the right way

con-sum-mate (adj).

1) complete in every detail;
2) extremely skilled and accomplished

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You are here: Home / Archives for Leading Myself

It’s all about me!

September 23, 2011 by John Dale Leave a Comment

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone did what we wanted them to do all the time?  Make a request and BOOM!, the request is granted.  Ask for something to be accomplished and SHAZAM!, it’s done.  That would be awesome!  And, what if it happened for everyone?  Wouldn’t that be great?  We’d all be happy all the time.

Well, let’s get over that…we all know that this isn’t the way it is.  The waiter doesn’t bring the water.  My 15 year old doesn’t clean his room.  One of my employees continues to miss deadlines.  My boss waits until my formal performance review to tell me how things are going.  Not everyone does what we need all the time.  It just doesn’t happen.  Sometimes this isn’t a big deal (I can wait on the water).  But other times it really matters (our customers are complaining).

We all have that one person—could be a friend, a child, a co-worker, an employee, a spouse (by the way, most of us have more than one these people in our lives) that does something that gets in our way, bugs us, annoys us, challenges us, or drives us up a wall.  No matter how many times we’ve asked or begged or yelled or pleaded—nothing changes.  What’s wrong with these people?!?!

What it comes down to is me (and you).  It comes down to what we say, when we say it, and how we say it.  It comes down to the words we choose and when we choose to use them.  It comes down to us—you and me—and how we do this.  Because, if we don’t do anything differently, how can we expect anything to change?  After all, we’ve tried everything and, if we keep doing what we’ve always done we’re going to get what we’ve always got (you’ve heard that before).

We do have choices.  When we choose those words and choose to use them, we could do it in a way that instills fear (you know…a threat).  This is a powerful way to get folks to do what we want…in the short-term.  You’ll get what you want and cause a whole lot of bad feelings in the process (anger, resentment, etc.).  This is the long-term impact.  Trust me, this is not the way to do it (if you want to keep getting promoted, if you want your children to be open with you, if you want extra-special service).  You might be asking, why do people take this tact.  We’ll address this in another discussion.

Instead, think about what you can do to get the change to happen and leave the person feeling okay or even good about meeting your need.  Be polite, be respectful, talk about the impact on you and others, offer support…you know treat the person as you would like to be treated.  This doesn’t mean all hugs and kisses all the time by the way.  There will be occasions when you have to be a little tough (“We’ve talked about you being late on your work.  We agreed that the next time you were late that I would need to formally document the incident.  You are late again with an assignment.  I am going to document this and it will go in your record.”).  But if you’re doing it right—these times will be few are far between.

So, it is all about me! (or you)  For me to affect change and get my needs met, I will likely need to change my own behavior first.  Trust me again, this will get you further, faster AND the people around you will come to respect and trust you and they’ll work harder to never let you down.

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Filed Under: It's All About Me, Leading Myself

Do you want fries with that?

July 5, 2011 by John Dale Leave a Comment

One simple behavior can lead to $100′s of millions in more business.  What if you were able to ask your employees to do one thing…one simple thing…differently and that one thing led to $100′s of millions in more business?  Interested?

Love them or hate them, Southwest Airlines makes money.  They do the basics better than any other airline.  Think like turn planes around faster, get passengers on board faster, and provide basic service better.  They have one of the best safety records in the industry and they they do not charge for checked luggage.  They also make money, did I mention that?

In an incredibly competitive industry they still find ways to make money while at that same times making their customers feel good.  In an effort to boost revenues, Southwest started offering an upgrade to their BFrench-Friesusiness Select fliers.  For $20, passengers could buy their way to the front of the line to get first choice of non-reserved seat and carry-on space. They also received a coupon for a cocktail.  When passengers called reservations, reserved on-line, or checked in at the airport they were asked a very simple question: Would you like to get on first, have a good place for your bag and enjoy a cocktail?

This simple question resulted in $100 million in additional revenue and some really happy customers.

This story illustrates the power of behavior.  That simple question–Would you like to get on first, have a good place for your bag and enjoy a cocktail?– is a behavior.   Yes behavior and behavior really matters in business.

But that word…that one little word gets in the way.  What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word behavior?  If you’re like most people, words like children, bad, school, attitude come up.  Sadly, these associations get in the way of THE single most important driver of performance in any organization.  After all, machines don’t run, sales aren’t made, initiatives do not get implemented, and leaders don’t lead without behavior.  As important as it is, it is one of the least understood parts of business yet it holds transformational potential.

We’re all behaving all the time.  Everything we say and every action we take is a behavior.  Giving instructions, attending a meeting, smiling, asking a question, answering the phone, writing a note, giving performance feedback…all are behaviors.  Attitude, intentions, thoughts…are not behaviors.  A simple way of looking at this, if you can put it on a video tape its a behavior.  If it is internal to someone (as in a intent) or has to be explained (because the video tape isn’t enough) then it most probably is not a behavior.

This is important because once we understand what behavior is and isn’t, then we are in a position to influence it and influencing behavior the right way can unlock the most amazing potential which can readily and directly lead to significant improvements in business results.

So here was your introduction to behavior, what do you think?  What more do you want to know?

 

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Filed Under: It's All About Me

As Easy as ABC

July 1, 2011 by John Dale Leave a Comment

So this is easy…it really is.

We all behave…we speak and we do.  That’s it.  That’s what behavior is…the things we say and do.  Isn’t that easy?

Interestingly, we’re all pretty comfortable with the things that we say and do–our own behavior.  It’s other people’s behavior that gets in the way sometimes.  So why does that happen?  Why do other people do things that are not acceptable, desired, wanted, and so on?  Well the answer to that is as easy as ABC.

We all behave for a reason.  Everything we do, it is for a reason.  I might not understand why you do what you do and you might not understand why I do what I do, nonetheless there is a reason.  Most of the time, having to understand why we’re doing what we’re doing isn’t a big deal.  However there are times when it could be most helpful to do so.  For example, as a leader, understanding why you do what you do and why your people do what they do can be critical to your success.  So let’s get to that understanding.

A = Antecedent:  These are the things that get our behavior started.  The alarm clock ringing.  A red stop light.  A corporate mandate.  A new law.  These are all meant to get behavior started.  That’s what antecedents do, they prompt or activate behavior and usually do a good job of it.  However, antecedents alone do not sustain behavior.

B =  Behavior:  Let’s agree on a definition—Behavior: the things we say and do.  It is not about attitude, emotion, intent, or anything in between the ears.  It’s about those things that we can see—as in a video replay.  That’s behavior.  As simple as that is, I find that people have a really hard time talking about and focusing on behavior.  We’re very quick to jump to intention and other reasons for behavior.  Do yourself a favor—just start with and try to stay with behavior for a while.

C = Consequence:  When we behave something happens to us—each and every time.  We might not know or be aware of what that something is but it happens.  Consequences, which can be positive or negative, follow behavior and directly affect whether we will do the behavior again or not.  As you’ll come to see, consequences are pretty powerful as it is consequences that sustain or stop behavior.

That’s it—pretty easy so far.  I’d like to use an everyday example to bring the ABCs to life.

Suppose a new Italian restaurant opens in your neighborhood.  A friend of yours is one of the first people you know to try it and she raves about how great it is…the service, the atmosphere, the food…all just great.  A few weeks later you’re able to give it a try and you’re not at all impressed.  The service was slow, it was too bright and loud, and the food was average at best.

Fast forward a few weeks.  Same friend comes up to you and tells you about another place she tried in the next town over.  It’s a new Thai place and she knows you like Thai food.  She loved it and really suggests you give it a try.  You remember her previous recommendation but decide that it might have just been a bad night at the Italian place.  So, you give the Thai place a try and it’s horrible.  You try hard to find some good things about it but just can’t.

What will you do the next time this friend recommends a restaurant?  Let’s look at this in terms of ABC.

Antecedent

Behavior

Conseqence

Recommendation from a friend about new Italian restaurant Go to Italian restaurant and eat Bad experience—bad food, atmosphere, service
Recommendations from friend about Thai restaurant Go to Thai restaurant and eat Bad experience—bad food, atmosphere, service

Based on two “bad” recommendations from that friend, you will likely not follow her recommendations in the future.  As easy as ABC.

We are surrounded by ABCs.  People are behaving around us constantly.  We’re behaving constantly.  You feel an itch (antecedent), you scratch it (behavior), you feel relief (consequence).  Jan is thirsty (antecedent), Jan takes a drink (behavior), Jan feels satisfied (consequence).  You’re at lunch and the check comes (antecedent), you pay the check for you and a friend (behavior), your friend says, “Thank you. That was very nice of you.” (consequence).  There is a defined process (antecedent), Sal uses his own process (behavior), no one says anything to Sal and he gets the job done easier (consequence).

Hold on…put on the brakes.  Let’s look at that last one.  This is where the ABCs can become very interesting and powerful.

One would expect that if there is a process in place that people would follow it (same goes for an expectation, work direction, instruction, etc.).  However, all of those things are antecedents and, as I mentioned earlier, antecedent get behavior started, they do not sustain behavior.  So let’s assume that Sal was trained in the new process let’s also assume that Sal has a job aid that explains the new process.  Then why isn’t Sal using the new process?

Consequences!  The consequences for following the new process make the job harder and it takes longer.  So this well intentioned employee who wants to do a good job (most do), finds it easier and faster to do it the old way.  To be clear, it is easier and faster for Sal.  This is not to say that it is better for the organization.  In fact, one would hope that the new process is better for the organization (safer, higher-quality, etc.).  It is what happens to the employee that matters here.

If we want to change this or any other situation, we must understand and accept this point—it is what is happening to the performer that matters.  What should be happening is secondary unless we understand what is happening and why.  In this case, notice the part about no one saying anything to Sal.  This is as good as saying, “Sal, you do whatever you want.”  As a leader, never underestimate your role or the role of other leaders in something like this (see The $oft $tuff).

I spend a lot of time on the ABCs at this site (check out It’s All About Me, The Silver Bullet, and Do You Want Fries with That) almost every article, tool, and principle that I talk about comes back to this model—after all we all behave!  The Consummate Leader knows this and uses it every day.

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Filed Under: Leading Myself, Uncategorized Tagged With: ABC, antecedent, behavior, consequence

MY perception and THE reality

July 1, 2011 by John Dale Leave a Comment

It’s not what we don’t know that hurts us. It’s what we believe is true that isn’t that does the damage.

You’ve likely heard the saying “perception is reality.”  For those of us doing the perceiving it is OUR reality.  It might not be THE reality, but it is our version of reality (I’m not trying to get all metaphysical on you here).

Normally, the two versions are close enough not to cause us problems.  However, there are times when the subject is a big deal or important and the disconnect between my version of what is true and the real version of what is true can cause some serious problems.  This is when a coach can help.

We’ve all experienced the impact of this disconnect.  I hear a co-worker say something in a way that, to me, sends the message that her work is more important than mine.  Based on this, I say something to correct her.  Which over time escalates into a broken relationship.  Or my boss sits back in his chair, crosses his arms, and looks at me over his glasses when I’m providing an update.  I see this and I feel that he is impatient with what I’m saying and I shut down.  My boss in turn sees me lack of words as a lack of preparation.

In both of these rather simple examples, and there is an endless number of them, how I perceived the words and actions of others affected how I acted which in turn affected how the other person acted.  (By the way, this happens in reverse sometime too…where I might get “credit” for something based on someones perception of what I said or did.)  So what’s to be done?

 

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Filed Under: It's All About Me

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